I am startled by my lack of peacefulness that surrounds my aging. These new wrinkles and gray hairs are threatening to tear away the armor of my youth. My hormones are shifting, and my body’s fat is being redistributed in areas that disturb me.
I’ve started wearing Spanx. Regularly.
Oh, sure, I’m trying to be liberated when it comes to aging. I am working on it, truly I am. In fact, the other day, I was in the middle of taking my Spanx off and getting used to breathing easy again, when someone from work shared an article about young women showing their naked relaxing poses. In the article, you can see brave, empowered twenty-somethings posting realistic selfies of their fat rolls when they sit, alongside another picture of them striking a pose and sucking it all in. The takeaway from the article was that these young women love themselves—and their bodies—either way.
I decided to get in on the action, too. So, I took a picture of me without my Spanx on and another while I was wearing them—I put on my slippers for good measure, and confidently popped them up on Instagram. I was super proud to represent 40 Plus and Kicking Ass, confident in the images I was posting.
Only, not even 30 seconds after I had posted the pictures, I started getting the comments. Eventually, I found myself rocking back and forth trying to calm down. So, I took them down. I’m not sure what scared me most: the thought of people judging my cellulite the way I had trained myself to—critical and relentlessly—or the thought that my boss might stumble across them. I couldn’t have him knowing what was beneath my skirt—how would I look at him ever again?
Anyway, I’ve decided that this new process–aging–is like the early stages of recovery. I’m at the very start of my process. I can see a bright tunnel ahead, and all these gifts are just waiting for me to grab and own. I have a fire in my belly, ready to #demandtobeseen and #Put40Plusbackonthemap. But just for today, I’m taking a moment to get used to my Spanx and the soft skin beneath them. As they say in recovery, it’s “one step at a time.”
Besides, I’m realizing that it’s okay to stop to take a breath, and then “feel the fear and do it anyway.” When I’m ready, I’m going to show the world that badasses can wear Spanx, too!
Join women who are 40 Plus and Kicking Ass.