A couple of years ago, I believed there was never any reason to give myself permission just to be myself.
Fear ruled me and perfectionism soothed me, even with ten years of recovery. So: No! The permission to just show up and be myself was never allowed.
Around this time, I was given an opportunity to talk. I was asked to speak for the Eating Recovery Foundation conference.
However, I had to kind of audition first. I was scared and excited. “What if he doesn’t like me?” I fretted. “What if I act like I have absolutely no idea what I am doing?” “What if he can see who I really am?” “What if…” “What if…”
I was going down in flames of “not enough” and getting ready to sabotage everything. I mean… the pressure was way too much, and I wanted to bail. But I couldn’t even give myself permission to do that.
So I called a friend — it’s a tool that never fails me in my recovery. She suggested that I start giving myself permission. What? Come on! But I was desperate (sigh) so I tried it.
I wrote a permission slip for myself and placed it in my purse to carry with me when I met the employer. The paper read: “I give myself permission to not hustle for my worthiness.” For someone who was so desperate to be liked, it was a frightening permission slip to write and to honor. Click here to read the full article