Something happened to me yesterday. The details of the situation are not important. But I will say that the situation left me feeling small and useless. I beat myself up over it (a common story), and then, I got really sad.
What matters is that, once again, when something doesn’t feel good to me, I go straight to feeling unworthy. My brain flat-lined when I tried to name things that I have that are of value. I started a list
“I’m good at….” Nope. Nothing. I cried.
Standing on the stair landing of our home, I looked at my hubby and blurted out through my constricted throat:
“I’m not sad about what happened. I’m sad that I still don’t have my own back. I want to be the person that tells me it is okay. After all the work I have done on my recovery, why do I still get to a place of feeling unworthy when the poop hits the fan?”
“Most of us think, ‘I’m pretty worthy of love and belonging — but I’d be super worthy of love and belonging if I could lose 15 pounds. Or I made partner. Or if my wife doesn’t leave. Or if I stay sober,’ or whatever our thing is. You are imperfect…but you are worthy of love and belonging.”
– Quote by Professor and Author Brené Brown