One of the hardest things in life for me is to stay in the moment. I need to really practice it. I am especially reminded of this as my eldest daughter turns six this week. I am shocked at how fast we arrived at this point in time. Six? Six? The night before Lil had her birthday, my husband (Tim) and I looked at each other as we sat on the sofa, without saying a word. Our eyes said it all: “Where did the time go?” We grabbed each other’s hands to soothe each other. Our children are growing up (fast!), so a mindful consciousness of every moment is all we have to preserve our memories of this precious time.
Time and again, I recognize my resistance to be outside of myself and, instead, dwell in the wreckage of my past, or future…the worrying about what has happened or may never be. It was only this morning that I gathered up my light, peaceful, purple Gaiam yoga mat (bought a year ago and still with its packaging on it), and took off to my local gym for a yoga class. As I lie in corpse pose, at the end of the class, staring at the bright, illuminated lights of the indoor basketball court, I catch myself: “Come back Rob,” I say in my mind. Refocusing, right there, I place my attention on the brightness of the yellow light radiating out of the industrial silver fixtures that remind me of a gigantic margarita glass. “I am here,” I tell myself.
How many times have I been with the loves of my life, captured in an embrace, or chatting with my best friend and yet I am only half there? Only half of me receiving the emotion / energy / intention shared? I guess my real question to myself should be, “how much more time do I want to waste in this fleeting life we have?” I am not a Saint. Nor am I striving to be one. I am a mommy, a wife, a friend, a sister, a daughter, and indeed an individual with dreams, passions and goals. My mind will wander again. That’s what minds do. But in the moments of “now,” that is where my power is…the power to create meaningful memories and to take the actions that get me to the next moment. In the now is where I have the ability to experience real connections with others. In the moment I am all me, standing in my truth, showing up for something, anything and everything, unbridled and free to respond. This moment and this moment…here is what’s fresh, different, full. Look, don’t get me wrong. I love dreaming. I believe in it. But I don’t want to have my head so far in the clouds that I never touch the ground where I actually am. For right here where my feet hit the ground is where the magic happens — like my child’s smile and all sorts of lovely things.
Today, I will slow down and breathe in all that is around me. I will ask myself what am I feeling and seeing and give thanks for my life in this very moment — where all is possible, where dreams can happen.