Why I Gave Myself Permission

A couple of years ago, I believed there was never any reason to give myself permission just to be myself.

Fear ruled me and perfectionism soothed me, even with ten years of recovery. So: No! The permission to just show up and be myself was never allowed.

Around this time, I was given an opportunity to talk. I was asked to speak for the Eating Recovery Foundation conference.

However, I had to kind of audition first. I was scared and excited. “What if he doesn’t like me?” I fretted. “What if I act like I have absolutely no idea what I am doing?” “What if he can see who I really am?” “What if…” “What if…”

I was going down in flames of “not enough” and getting ready to sabotage everything. I mean… the pressure was way too much, and I wanted to bail. But I couldn’t even give myself permission to do that.

So I called a friend — it’s a tool that never fails me in my recovery. She suggested that I start giving myself permission. What? Come on! But I was desperate (sigh) so I tried it.

I wrote a permission slip for myself and placed it in my purse to carry with me when I met the employer. The paper read: “I give myself permission to not hustle for my worthiness.” For someone who was so desperate to be liked, it was a frightening permission slip to write and to honor. Click here to read the full article

Tea Time with Dr. Allison Chase

Robyn: Welcome to Tea Time with Robyn. I am here with the wonderful, Dr. Allison Chase. She is a child-adolescent psychologist. Hi.

Dr. Allison Chase: Hi. How are you?

Robyn:  I’m good. I’m good. I have a very hard question for you, for the parents. So, this recovery process, how long is it going to take?

Dr. Allison Chase: Oh gosh, it’s always hard to have to be honest with parents, but I have to tell them “I cannot give you a time frame.” And I say that because we are talking about human beings—Human bodies—Human behavior. And we just don’t know what the body is going to do.

Robyn: So there’s no like, “It could take 30 days.” “It could take three years.” Is there any of that?

Dr. Allison Chase: I like to give them an expectation that research shows us that eating disorder treatment is about a three to five-year process.

Robyn: (looks at camera) okay.

Dr. Allison Chase: So I like to do that. But what’s really hard is, because if I give a date, then that number becomes, kind of, golden for them.

Robyn: You don’t just have the child or the adolescent going through recovery, I think sometimes the parents are putting their lives on hold…

Dr. Allison Chase: Ah, Yes…

Robyn: …and I think that is also a kind of powerful impact on them… And so…

Dr. Allison Chase: Oh my goodness, yes.

Robyn: What do you say to that?

Dr. Allison Chase: Well, first of all, I say I get it, I get it for them, and that this is impacting the whole family. Right, their children aren’t living in a little bubble, are they?—it’s affecting everybody. And I completely can understand how exhausted they are. And it’s not just exhausted—but how sad and scared—I think scared would be the best way to describe so many of the parents we work with. And we know feeling so scared can take our breath away, right? So I really talk about self-care. I can’t stress it enough.

Robyn: When I speak to parents, and I talk to them about self-care, they say: “How can I self-care when my kid is going through that!” It’s almost like they feel guilty. How do you help them go through that process?

Dr. Allison Chase:  One of the things we always emphasize in our parent group, and when we meet with parents is, how do we take care of the carer, right? How do we help to set up a really strong support system—those that you can trust—those that you can rely on? Anything it takes, they do not have to feel guilty about because they’re such an active part of treatment. They have to be.  For these children to get better—and these adolescents to get better—they need for their parents to be this really active part. The best thing you can do is help point out to them how hard they are working! You will be a better parent to your child who is suffering—you will be more effective…

Robyn: Recovery is so much more impactful when the family is involved.

Dr. Allison Chase:  Oh there’s no doubt. They’re child doesn’t really have a chance in fighting this disorder, and moving forward in their life—which is what our goal is.

Robyn: That’s all we have time for, thank you so much for coming for Tea Time with Robyn (me.) If you have any questions, please email me at Teatime@eatingrecoverycenter.com and we will discuss the answers to them, over a cup of tea.

 

Tea Time with Jenni Schaefer

Robyn: Hi everyone and welcome to Tea time with Robyn. I am here with the wonderful and very talented, Jenni Schaefer. Hello!

Jenni: Hello. I’m so excited to be here with the wonderful Robyn Cruze, and tea!

Robyn: Oh thank you. Cheers to that. So, Jenni, you are the author of; Life without Ed, Hello Ed, Goodbye Me and Almost Anorexic (with the wonderful Dr. Jennifer Thomas.) Is that correct?

Jenni: Right, right. Almost perfect. The second book is, Goodbye Ed, Hello Me.

Robyn: Oh no!

Jenni: But hey, hey, wait. In my recovery I have learned “perfectly imperfect” is the way. So I love that.

Robyn: Thank you. Speaking of which, letting go of imperfections and not having to be so perfect (looking directly act the camera)—Which I am sure none of you know anything about—We wanted to talk about how we let go of control, in our recovery process. Because I don’t know about you, but letting go of control can be such a scary thing in recovery. What is your experience with that? Continue reading Tea Time with Jenni Schaefer

Letting Go of Shame About Our Bodies

I am no longer ashamed-2The package my brother neatly packed and shipped from Australia had been waiting patiently for me to unwrap in the corner of my bedroom.

Filled with photos of our past, it had been there for three months now and it was time to open it. Even before my eyes hit the photos within the package, which represented a life time ago, the shame — which hid in the fiber of my being and self-worth beliefs — came flooding back as if it had never gone away.

With each photo I take out of the package, I’m reminded of the chronic lack of control and the compulsive nightly binges that are reflected in the bulged chin, thighs, and hips of the young lady staring back at me from the photos.

It’s my history, the part that I have longed to forget. Even throughout my recovery, I have wanted to ignore my story, which included eating my feelings.

All eating disorders carry shame
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Tea Time Robyn – A Chat with Dr. Julie Friedman on Binge Eating Disorder (BED)

Robyn: Hi everyone and welcome to Tea Time with Robyn (Me.) I am here with Dr. Julie Friedman, and she is the VP of our Compulsive Overeating Recovery Programs. Hello, Dr. Friedman.

Dr. Friedman: Hello… I love Denver. Hi.

Robyn: I’m so grateful to have you here because I’ve been getting a lot of questions about Binge Eating Disorder (BED,) and I’m not so sure yet, that people look at it as an eating disorder.

Dr. Friedman: Right.

Robyn: And so it’s kind of like, “Anorexia and Bulimia are eating disorders, and they are worth treating. But I just have overeating.  I just have BED”… It’s almost like they are uncomfortable to claim even that.

Dr. Friedman: Right, right, right. Or to claim it as an eating disorder.

Robyn: Yes, exactly!

Dr. Friedman: You know, many of our patients really feel like they are just bad dieters. You know, that they lack willpower, or they lack motivation—and that couldn’t be further from the truth. And so I think first of all, we know statistically, less than half of people who struggle with BED will even seek eating disorder treatment. So, many of these patients are just going from diet to diet to diet, not even recognizing what they have.

Continue reading Tea Time Robyn – A Chat with Dr. Julie Friedman on Binge Eating Disorder (BED)

Why we Must have Strong Women: My Current Girl Crush

I have been known to have girl crushes throughout my life, though this is rare.

But when I do, it’s usually because these women are using their voice to empower other women. There is something so beautiful, to me, when I see women encouraging sisterhood in each other.

Sisterhood is about being there for other women, as opposed to comparing, fighting and belittling our sisters. Sadly, we’ve all done this. I have!

Due to fear, feeling threatened, or feeling that we are not enough, we judge. Maybe we all do this because we are judging ourselves.

I confess, I don’t know any of these women personally (haha, duh). My point is, I’m just going on what we all see in the media — and I like what I see.

My latest crushes are on the following female celebrities that embrace themselves and, therefore, call on us to do the same.

Actress Gina Rodriguez

Source: Huffington Post

Gina Rodriguez

She is rocking it in Jane the Virgin! But what makes her smoking hot is her desire to empower women and her exciting perspective on beauty. She gives me goosebumps. On Huff Live, she said: “Beauty was very much on my mind. I had a father that would — we would look up at billboards, and he would say, ‘That’s one version of beauty. You’re another version of beauty. And she’s a version of beauty. And that girl? She’s another version of beauty.’ “He [Dad] always said that beauty came from within, and as much as you’re younger, and you’re [sarcastically] like, ‘Yeah, beauty comes from within’ — no, beauty does come from within. I’ve met some of the most beautiful people, and sadly their heart is just not smiling, and that destroys it all.”

Amy Poehler

Source: Allure

Amy Poehler

Whether we agree with what she says and does, or not, her desire to put beauty in context for women — and especially for her daughters — encourages us to embrace who we are and have it trickle down to our children (if we have them). She wears her own definition of beauty and allows the world to bask in it. Woohoo Amy, I love you!

 

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Making Peace with Your Body and the Food You Put in It